Speak Up 4 Mental Health Now!

Broken. Yup that pretty much sums up how I feel right now. Defleeted, yes I know this isn't a real word but to be honest it should be. It is a great way to explain how I am feeling right now. A combination of defeated and deflated. That is me right now.  I am that child's old balloon that used to be big and bright and floated around on the ceiling. Now I am forgotten because I am no longer fun. I sit on the floor being kicked around until I am lost under the bed. I am no longer bright or full, I am deflated, no longer able to float around and play.  I am also the Broncos right now, (ugh come on guys) continuously defeated by the other teams. I know this is only temporary and I will rise up like the beautiful phoenix that I am and win again. Now the Broncos on the other hand, they better do this like ASAP, Sunday maybe. Hint hint guys.   I know I haven't been writing as often lately and that is due to my mental state. As much as I am an advocate for speaking out...

Ugh is it Friday yet? I know it is only Tuesday but man. I have been in a funk lately, extremely anxious and more depressed than I have been in a while. My OCD has been up and down, I have had a lot of successes yet a lot of not so successful attempts to take control.  I have recently found out that I have to be in an aircast (aka the boot) for 3-6 weeks. I have to wear it at all times, unless I am sitting down and not walking around or when I am sleeping. So most of the day, since I have ADHD and don't sit still for long. OMG, my OCD sky rocked immediately, because my thought went straight to having to wear it in public. Nope, no way! Well luckily my friend and her family are just as accident proned as I am, so they had a boot I could borrow. So now I have two boots, one for around my house and inside only, and one for public. Score! I still can't face that hurdle of wearing just one in public and then in my house. Even if I washed it each time I came inside I would still no...

Summer has come and flown by and I haven't had a moment to relax. Well that is what it feels like when you have OCD with anxiety. Sadly even when I had the time to relax I can't, if you remember my post, The Pounding of My Heart.  My hubby finally has some slow time at work and we are going to take some time off and go out of town. We have decided to go to Napa/Sonoma and San Francisco, CA to visit some friends out there. As much as traveling and staying in hotels makes my OCD spiral out of control from time to time, I truly need this time off and away.  Lately I have been so busy, between my full-time job and working on the non-profit, Project Mental Health Freedom, I haven't had time for myself. I have slacked on "me time" every morning; because I sleep as late as I can before I start work, my sleep has been more than restless lately. I have only been having my "me time" maybe a couple times a week. I love my "me time" in the mornings too...

Last night watching the news my heart broke. I mean the news is always sad anymore, there is hardly any "Good" news on the news these days. On top of the mass shooting in Jacksonville, FL we heard about a 9 year in Denver that took his own life over the weekend.  How does this happen? What is wrong with our world? When I was 9 I was thinking about playing with friends, softball, and handing out with my family. Sure kids were mean back then, but they are even worse today with social media. Back in my day, LOL that is funny I sound like a grandma, anyway....we didn't have social media. It is a great thing, but however it can be used to hurt people. Kids and adults alike, will totally just say the worse things about people to them via social media. Just totally bash them and make them feel horrible; they have no filter and can't be stopped. They just say whatever they want and not think about the ramifications of what they say, and how it might effect the other people....

As I lie in bed Friday morning, struggling to get out of bed, I tried to look at the bright side of things. My philosophy in life is to always see the brighter side of every situation. However, this morning I didn't know if I could do that.  It's Friday, I should be welcoming in the weekend. Rejoicing in the fact that I am finally over that cold and soreness from my fall down the basement steps. Yup that is right, I fell down the stairs to my basement. I tripped over the baby gate and missed the second step and slid the rest of the way down to the landing on my butt. If you knew me personally you'd know: 1.  I am one of the clumsiest person in the world. 2. It isn't the first time I fell down a flight of stairs.  (Just last time, I broke my ribs. This time I only got rug burn.) Instead I was depressed, and not feeling any motivation to move. Luckily I have two dogs that need to go out and go potty, or I probably would not have gotten up when I did. I didn...

So it's been a rough but very exciting week. I had a summer cold, which is never fun. However, during that time I didn't have any anxiety. Pretty sure that I just felt so horrible that my anxiety was so minimal compared to my cold that I didn't notice it. I will take that win. #celebrateyourwins The exciting part though...my non-profit is up and running. Not that we are really doing a lot yet, but it's the fact that we are doing it. We have a long way to go but our focus now is networking and getting our partnerships built.  Our goal is providing financial funding to those with economic hardships to obtain the mental health care they deserve. Project Mental Health Freedom is a non-profit here in Colorado to help with the financial aspects of Mental Health Care. So many people, even with insurance coverage, can't afford the out-of-pocket costs of their mental health services that they need and deserve. The goal with this non-profit is to help provide funds fo...

Enjoying the present and living in the moment, this is something that I haven't had in years. When I am out in public I am always "looking" for things that make me uncomfortable. If certain things bother me, then why on earth would I intentionally look for them. But that is how I am; I am so focused on the things around me that I can't enjoy the time I am spending in places with others.  A couple weekends back was the first time I was able to enjoy myself and not "look" for things. My husband and I went out and checked out a new Brewery that had just opened and listened to live music there. I wasn't focused on finding something gross or unsanitary, I was just enjoying myself. This was a shock when I realized it was happening. I didn't want to ruining a good thing so I just continued on without dwelling on this success at that moment. However later that week I did celebrate this when I was with my therapist at therapy.  I think we tend to focus so...