Speak Up 4 Mental Health Now!

My heart was pounding in my chest and it felt like it was going to burst through my throat. Then the nauseous kicked in and of course I am on a phone call with a client. "Okay, just breath thru this and you won't get sick on the call." This is what I was telling myself. Luckily I was able to make it through my call without getting sick. Thank goodness!  I woke up not feeling so hot, but figured it was just a case of the Mondays. As the morning went on, the worse I started to feel. Of course work was crazy busy and my anxiety was already in overdrive. Getting sick was just not what I needed.  I decided to take a nice long Epson Salt soak to help me with my muscle soreness and nausea. It helped relaxed my muscles and the heat helped my stomach feel better, along with a Tums or two.  However, while I sat in there I could hear my heart beat in my ears as it pounded hard in my chest. I also felt like I couldn't catch my breath. Why would I be out of breath, I was l...

One of my best friend's daughter calls me her Fairy Godmother. I wish that was really the case. I wish I was a Fairy Godmother; I could just magic away the help that is needed by so many others. I don't struggle every day with my mental illnesses but some days are way worse than others. Unfortunately there are so many people that struggle every day. To top that off, some of those people can't even afford the medicines that they truly need to help them.  This pains me to think about. I can't imagine not having the meds that I need on a daily basis. Now that I am in therapy as well, I can't imagine not seeing my therapist either. Yet some many people can't afford either.  With the inspiration from my husband, friends, and my Fairy Goddaughter, I have decided that I want to start a company (a non-profit), where I can be the Fairy Godmother to others; granting them the gift of money to pay for the mental health care that they need. I will need lost of supp...

OMG! I have totally forgotten how to relax. Yesterday I tried to relax and just chill in my hammock under a tree in my yard, and I just couldn't relax. How can one forget to relax? Maybe I just can't relax not that I don't know how or maybe I don't even know what it feels like to relax. Sad isn't it?  The realization of this is heartbreaking to me. I had a really hard dealing with the acceptance of this yesterday. I guess this is something that I really need to work on, on a daily basis. I need to make sure I get up and go for a walk or a run and get out of my head at least every other day if I can't every day.                            I did try yesterday, but the entire time I was was thinking, JUST RELAX! Come on how hard is it to relax? Surprisingly it is extremely difficult for me. I was mentally exhausted from the day as it was but the fact I couldn't relax just exhausted me on a whole other level...

Today was just one of those days. Every little thing upset me, I couldn't get rid of my anxiety and I couldn't focus on anything. And to top it off, I didn't want to touch anything and yet I did anyway.  I also didn't feel like I was good enough. Why? I know I am more than just good enough. Yet I feel myself going down a dark alley but I can't turn around. I hate when this happens.  I have done so good lately and I have made some extremely good accomplishments recently. However, it has mentally exhausted me. So much that I struggle doing things for myself and not things that I have to do to make myself comfortable, but me time. I need some me time pretty bad. My therapist had to point that out to me today which was a shock to me. Today it hit me, I don't like doing anything again. I don't have motivation to do anything for myself. I DO have motivation to do anything for my little pups and my hubby. They are my life. Honestly if it weren't for the pu...

Last night as I lay in bed, anxious like a little kid on Christmas Eve. My mom and my Aunt (my mom's sister) are coming to visit for a week and they get here this evening.  I was anxious because I was/am excited, but also creating a to do list of things that I have to do today before they get here. Nothing too crazy, put clean sheets on bed and clean the guest bathroom, that's all I have left to do really. Other than wash the dogs toys and they bedding and blankets like I always do when they go to the groomer. Which they were dropped off first thing this morning.  However last night as I lie in bed, I just kept thinking of these little things and it started to loop. Not something I wanted to do at 3am. I laid awake for at least an hour with this looping and obsessive thoughts in my head. I started to freak myself out like, OMG you aren't going to have enough time to get it all done, go get our Softball Team's photos done, and pick them up at the airport.  The thin...

Tonight the softball team I coach had a game, and I have to throw in that they won too! These girls are in 4th and 5th grades which can be a really difficult time for girls. I gotta say I am extremely proud to call them my team.  They are so incredibly supportive of each other. The girls are at all levels of softball, some have never played while others have played several years. No matter what, they support each other like the team that they are. They have each other's back.  So much so that one of my girls came up to me after an inning and let me know what she heard from the other team when she was a runner at 2nd base. She told me that the other team's shortstop was bullying the centerfielder so bad while she was on second getting ready to run she saw the centerfielder girl cry. That upset her she said and that she thought I should know. She was right, I should know about this so I could let the other coach know this happened. It upset me to hear this as well. Yet...