Dark Mornings

As I lie in bed Friday morning, struggling to get out of bed, I tried to look at the bright side of things. My philosophy in life is to always see the brighter side of every situation. However, this morning I didn't know if I could do that. 

It's Friday, I should be welcoming in the weekend. Rejoicing in the fact that I am finally over that cold and soreness from my fall down the basement steps. Yup that is right, I fell down the stairs to my basement. I tripped over the baby gate and missed the second step and slid the rest of the way down to the landing on my butt. If you knew me personally you'd know:

1.  I am one of the clumsiest person in the world.

2. It isn't the first time I fell down a flight of stairs. 

(Just last time, I broke my ribs. This time I only got rug burn.)

Instead I was depressed, and not feeling any motivation to move. Luckily I have two dogs that need to go out and go potty, or I probably would not have gotten up when I did. I didn't feel like I would be missed by anyone if I never left the bed; this I know is not true and I would have been missed by many. I had work to do, and meetings to join.

I did get out of bed and my friend and co-founder of #ProjectMentalHealthFreedom came over for coffee and to work on our Facebook page and our website together. After this I went to my office and got to work. After finally getting both pages up and running properly, I felt good. I felt motivated and remember why I mattered. 

Like I said I know I matter and mean the world to my family and friends. I never doubt this, ever, but some days I just feel...worthless. That is how I felt Friday morning, but as soon as I did get out of bed, I was happy and looking forward to my day. 

I had no reason to feel that way before getting out of bed. This is a frustrating feeling of depression for us struggling with depression. Reality gets blocked out by our depression, like the sun on a cloudy day. We know this is only a feeling and it will go away at some point. Some days the clouds of depression linger and others only have a brief coverage of clouds. While yet, other days are like an overcast day, where the clouds of depression are there but subtle. 

On the cloudy days, I find something that makes me happy and do that or focus on that for a while. Like taking my pups for a walk, which we did on Friday afternoon. Listening to the ceiling fan in the room, so peaceful and soothing. I don't struggle with depression too often any more, but when it hits, it seems worse than I remember. When you are doing better and then have a bad day, those days seem so bad, when in reality they might not be anywhere close to what they used to be like. 

It's okay to have a bad day. We are not worthless, we are far from that! We matter! We make a difference in the world every day even though we don't notice this, we really do. You might have a bad day but you could still be the reason someone else has a good day; which is what we need to remind ourselves. If you are having a bad day, talk about it and let it go. Let others know what is wrong, or just let them know that you are having a rough day. We are here for each other, we are naturally social beings. 

Be awesome! You matter! #notashamed