Skip to main content

Live Music & Crowds!!

I love music! Listening to music during the day helps soothe me, or even uplift me, depending on what I am listening to. On a nice rainy day, there is a certain style of music that I crave, which even though it is a bit of depressing, it is what I want to hear at that moment. 

I enjoy listening to music live even more. However, with my OCD and anxiety it can be an extremely difficult thing to do even though I love it. This evening we went to see Judah & the Lion, which I was hesitant about at first. I love the band, and I wanted to go, but at the same time, I was torn and I didn't want to be in a big crowd.
 

OMG huge crowds with people in my personal space is pure hell! It was 95+ degrees out, which means hot sweaty bodies all around me. The simple thought of someone touching me, just made my skin crawl. When we first got there it wasn't bad, but slowly the closer it got to starting, more people surrounded us. We were fairly close to the stage, which others wanted to be there too, so they were pushing their way in front of us. STOP! Stop touching me, is what I wanted to scream every time someone brushed their nasty sweaty body against my sweaty nasty body.  

My OCD and anxiety was winning at that point, but as soon as the band came out and started to play I started to relax; because music has that effect on me. That's the thing, music helps me relax and enjoy the moment. I can totally get lost and fully embraced in the music that I am listening to. Feeling every beat and note, and just become one with the music that is surrounding me. Tonight however, even though music has that effect on me, I was struggling off and on with the crowd all around me. 

I had my own ways to deal with the situation (rocking back and forth on my toes, taking up as much space as I could), and I managed to enjoy myself more than I expected to be completely honest. The brand is a true believer in people, they love everyone and they said that basically we all need to look past things and see each other all as a big family. I loved this, with all the hate today, this was truly nice to hear. We all brought something with us to the consert, whether it was depression, stress, anxiety or whatever, but they wanted us all to leave it and enjoy the moment. I loved this. Based on their past as a band, I believe they truly meant what they said tonight. They were speaking to me in so many ways, it was pure enjoyment listening to them perform. Not only were they great musicians, they were incredibly entertaining. They had a great view on life and I think it showed through their performance and love of what they were doing. 

We all need that love of what we are doing, enjoying the moment we are in when it is happening rather than after the fact. I know I struggle with this. During the moment I am too concerned with my irrational fears and other anxiety and OCD issues, rather than enjoying it. Tonight I managed to have both for the first time in a long time. I enjoyed the moment! I can honestly say that I don't have to enjoy it after the fact. Believe me, it was really tough, I mean really tough, but I made it through unscathed.

Tomorrow I will listen to them again, not live of course, but I know the feeling with be different. I am interested how it will feel to me at that time. We'll have to wait and see, I really hope that I can honestly say it was better live. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Support and Teamwork

Tonight the softball team I coach had a game, and I have to throw in that they won too! These girls are in 4th and 5th grades which can be a really difficult time for girls. I gotta say I am extremely proud to call them my team.  They are so incredibly supportive of each other. The girls are at all levels of softball, some have never played while others have played several years. No matter what, they support each other like the team that they are. They have each other's back.  So much so that one of my girls came up to me after an inning and let me know what she heard from the other team when she was a runner at 2nd base. She told me that the other team's shortstop was bullying the centerfielder so bad while she was on second getting ready to run she saw the centerfielder girl cry. That upset her she said and that she thought I should know. She was right, I should know about this so I could let the other coach know this happened. It upset me to hear this as well. Yet...

OCD in Control

It's been a week since I posted because I have had my mom and aunt in town visiting from Michigan. It was a wonderful week with them and I they had a great time while they were here. My mom and aunt both know about my daily struggles and are aware it has gotten worse since the last time I saw family back in MI. But they haven't seen how controlled by my OCD I am before this visit. I was really good though and very proud of myself. I am mentally exhausted, but nothing that they did. They were great. I honestly think that my mom got more upset about things that upset me than I actually did. LOL! If something that bothers me happens, I just explain that it upsets me and do what I need to do to feel better about the situation.  I feel it was harder on them than it was on me for them to be visiting. I know that I asked a lot of them and I am sorry. It isn't that I didn't want them in my house at all. Just the opposite. Them being here actually was a huge help. I know...